MMMM.... Worm on a stick. My favorite!!!!

Dear M.D. Psych,

I have been feeling very ill for the past 2 months. My skin is itchy, almost like an allergic reaction, it burns, and is inflamed. I also have been vomiting recently and I have a fever. I also have this weird bulge in my leg, almost like a vein is sticking out.

My joints hurt so much, please help me I've been so sick lately, and I haven't felt well since my girlfriend and I went to the watering hole we heard about from the Wife of Bath a little over a year ago.

--Puzzled Pisces

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Dear Puzzled Pisces,

Although you are a Pisces and naturally love water, maybe next time you should be more careful about where your drinking water is coming from. I was not even aware that watering holes were still around today, so I'm guessing that that quality of the water here is very bad and that the water is old. To solve your mystery disease, you have Dracunculiasis. This is a worm that you got in your system from the contaminated water from the watering hole. All of the symptoms you claimed are typical symptoms of a person with Dracunculiasis and it is not unusual that you have been feeling ill for a long time because symptoms from Dracunculiasis do not show up until a year after you are infected with the worm.

Unfortunately for you Pisces, the treatment for this is slightly time-consuming. To cure yourself of this disease you must pull out the Guinea worm that is in your body. To do this you have to twist the end of the worm around a stick and slowly pull the worm out, one centimeter a day. After you remove the worm you should start to feel better!

Contact my secretary about scheduling an appointment so we can remove that worm.

--M.D. Psych

Almost to our destination!!

Our journey to the shrine of the martyr Saint Thomas a' Becket is coming to a close. Many of the pilgrims are counting down the days till will arrive to the shrine. The past few days we have made much progress in our travel. There weren’t any stops to dance to "Crank that Squire Boi."

I had to recently answer any rumors about me selling fake and illegal drugs. Hopefully, everyone believes that I would never do that to my patients.

During this journey I have helped many pilgrims along the way. For example, I had to cure the Squire because he had an accident with an arrow and a tree. That is just one example of many pilgrims I have helped. Well, that's all I have to say for today. We have to get back on our way. Check back to hear from me tomorrow!!!

-- M.D. Psych

Ingredient Gone Arye

I have noticed an unsightly boil on your leg Cook. Now unfortunately, most physicians believe there is no cure for such an ailment. However, you are in luck Cook! I have studied all varieties of medicine and I even happen to know how to heal such a boil. I noticed that you were born in mid June; that would make you a Gemini. By the arrangement of the stars, I can tell that in order to clear up your hideous boil, you must apply my special lizard salve to the infected area three times daily for two weeks. Keep up with this regiment and your prayers as well and the boil will clear up in no time! You are also lucky because I have been feeling very generous this month! I will give you two-weeks supply of my special salve for a payment of only 5 chickens.


Sincerely,

Psych M.D.

Lout Leo has...

Dear M.D. Psych,

I went to another doctor the other day to hopefully find out what this mystery illness is that I have. But, what the doctor told me what not what I wanted to hear. So I was hoping that you could give me a second opinion on what this disease could be. My symptoms are: shaking, chills,chattering teeth, severe chest pain, a cough that produces rust-colored or greenish mucus, a very high fever, sweating, rapid breathing, and rapid pulse rate. This other doctor that doesn't know anything thought that I had bacterial pneumonia. Psh! Like he knows anything!

--Lout Leo

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Dear Lout Leo,

Your condition seems quite confusing. It must be some sort of a cold if I should guess so myself. With the chattering teeth, chills, severe chest pain, cough, and a high fever along with other things, tell me that it is a cold.

Then again, with the rust colored or greenish mucus and rapid pulse rate, it may be a symptom to Ergotism. Your horoscope Leo, tells me that not every day can be a great day, as these next 24 hours may prove to you. Aside from an overall lack of pizzazz in your environment, there won't be much development in any of your projects. But one dud of a day doesn't have to get you down. After all, variety is the spice of life -- and not every spice is delicious. Treat this day as simmer time on a stew that will eventually be quite delicious. Be patient and trust that when things are meant to be, they'll be.

As to cure the Ergotism, I would buy more expensive bread rather than that cheap rye bread. Sometimes little animals live in rye bread, and they may make you sick. Plus, expensive bread tastes better in the toaster.

Now, for that other doctor...you know that I am the best around, and your lack of mistrust upsets me greatly. I do sincerely hope that my cure for you will work, and that you will come back instead of going to those other "impostors" in town.

Observe this important trophy I won for all of my hard efforts. It's almost as important as that certificate I achieved found below.

--M.D. PSYCH