MMMM.... Worm on a stick. My favorite!!!!

Dear M.D. Psych,

I have been feeling very ill for the past 2 months. My skin is itchy, almost like an allergic reaction, it burns, and is inflamed. I also have been vomiting recently and I have a fever. I also have this weird bulge in my leg, almost like a vein is sticking out.

My joints hurt so much, please help me I've been so sick lately, and I haven't felt well since my girlfriend and I went to the watering hole we heard about from the Wife of Bath a little over a year ago.

--Puzzled Pisces

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Dear Puzzled Pisces,

Although you are a Pisces and naturally love water, maybe next time you should be more careful about where your drinking water is coming from. I was not even aware that watering holes were still around today, so I'm guessing that that quality of the water here is very bad and that the water is old. To solve your mystery disease, you have Dracunculiasis. This is a worm that you got in your system from the contaminated water from the watering hole. All of the symptoms you claimed are typical symptoms of a person with Dracunculiasis and it is not unusual that you have been feeling ill for a long time because symptoms from Dracunculiasis do not show up until a year after you are infected with the worm.

Unfortunately for you Pisces, the treatment for this is slightly time-consuming. To cure yourself of this disease you must pull out the Guinea worm that is in your body. To do this you have to twist the end of the worm around a stick and slowly pull the worm out, one centimeter a day. After you remove the worm you should start to feel better!

Contact my secretary about scheduling an appointment so we can remove that worm.

--M.D. Psych

Almost to our destination!!

Our journey to the shrine of the martyr Saint Thomas a' Becket is coming to a close. Many of the pilgrims are counting down the days till will arrive to the shrine. The past few days we have made much progress in our travel. There weren’t any stops to dance to "Crank that Squire Boi."

I had to recently answer any rumors about me selling fake and illegal drugs. Hopefully, everyone believes that I would never do that to my patients.

During this journey I have helped many pilgrims along the way. For example, I had to cure the Squire because he had an accident with an arrow and a tree. That is just one example of many pilgrims I have helped. Well, that's all I have to say for today. We have to get back on our way. Check back to hear from me tomorrow!!!

-- M.D. Psych

Ingredient Gone Arye

I have noticed an unsightly boil on your leg Cook. Now unfortunately, most physicians believe there is no cure for such an ailment. However, you are in luck Cook! I have studied all varieties of medicine and I even happen to know how to heal such a boil. I noticed that you were born in mid June; that would make you a Gemini. By the arrangement of the stars, I can tell that in order to clear up your hideous boil, you must apply my special lizard salve to the infected area three times daily for two weeks. Keep up with this regiment and your prayers as well and the boil will clear up in no time! You are also lucky because I have been feeling very generous this month! I will give you two-weeks supply of my special salve for a payment of only 5 chickens.


Sincerely,

Psych M.D.

Lout Leo has...

Dear M.D. Psych,

I went to another doctor the other day to hopefully find out what this mystery illness is that I have. But, what the doctor told me what not what I wanted to hear. So I was hoping that you could give me a second opinion on what this disease could be. My symptoms are: shaking, chills,chattering teeth, severe chest pain, a cough that produces rust-colored or greenish mucus, a very high fever, sweating, rapid breathing, and rapid pulse rate. This other doctor that doesn't know anything thought that I had bacterial pneumonia. Psh! Like he knows anything!

--Lout Leo

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Dear Lout Leo,

Your condition seems quite confusing. It must be some sort of a cold if I should guess so myself. With the chattering teeth, chills, severe chest pain, cough, and a high fever along with other things, tell me that it is a cold.

Then again, with the rust colored or greenish mucus and rapid pulse rate, it may be a symptom to Ergotism. Your horoscope Leo, tells me that not every day can be a great day, as these next 24 hours may prove to you. Aside from an overall lack of pizzazz in your environment, there won't be much development in any of your projects. But one dud of a day doesn't have to get you down. After all, variety is the spice of life -- and not every spice is delicious. Treat this day as simmer time on a stew that will eventually be quite delicious. Be patient and trust that when things are meant to be, they'll be.

As to cure the Ergotism, I would buy more expensive bread rather than that cheap rye bread. Sometimes little animals live in rye bread, and they may make you sick. Plus, expensive bread tastes better in the toaster.

Now, for that other doctor...you know that I am the best around, and your lack of mistrust upsets me greatly. I do sincerely hope that my cure for you will work, and that you will come back instead of going to those other "impostors" in town.

Observe this important trophy I won for all of my hard efforts. It's almost as important as that certificate I achieved found below.

--M.D. PSYCH

Now I've Got Advice From The Wife Of Bath.....

Well, you know how I helped the Wife of Bath with her life path? She ended up helping me in return. I told her about this girl I liked, named Celeste- which of course, has my favorite meaning: "of the sky". So, in order to help me, she decided to ask me a series of questions about what I believe, to discover what my take is on love. She said that my love element is Earth, and that I have consistency and integrity. Love for me is all about staying grounded and centered. I attract others with my zest of life, and talent with the stars, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of my life, so I never put myself at risk. This, of course makes perfect sense.

Before I left, she made sure that I knew what women want the most, so she told me this tale about a most unfortunate knight who's life was saved and who ended up with a wonderful lady because of this virtue that he relayed back to the king. Women want power. So that is what my woman shall get. Maybe I'll end up in a fairy-tale like the knight......hmmm.....I probably should do more work on watching the stars before I come to a conclusion about this certain matter.

--PSYCH M.D.

Advice for the Wife of Bath

Dear M.D. Psych,
I have heard of how you help people with their health and their well-being from the stars. I was wondering if you could find these things for me. I want to know what is coming in my life so I can marry more people.
--The Wife of Bath
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Dear Wife Of Bath,
I looked up your fortune from the stars and from your life number (6). Your purpose in life is to help others. You are very compassionate, and you offer comfort to those around you. It pains you to see other people hurting, and you do all in your power to help them. You take on responsibility, and don't mind personal sacrifice. You are the ultimate giver. In love, you offer warmth and protection to your partner. You often give too much of yourself, and you rarely put your own needs first. Emotions tend to rule your decisions too much, especially when it comes to love. And while taking care of people is great, make sure to give them room to grow on their own.

I hope that helps you a little! Maybe I'll come to you for some help since you seem so helpful from your horoscope, and I'll only charge you a small fee that many of my patients don't get.

--M.D. PSYCH

Doctor is not who he seems??

I have been hearing many rumors from pilgrims about me possibly being a secret drug dealer. I am writing this to tell you that those horrendous rumors couldn't be more far from the truth. I prescribe drugs to patients that need a certain drug. I do not sell fake or illegal drugs just to make money.

I look in my horoscope to the stars and I prescribe any drug that is needed. I assure everyone that I am doing nothing illegal. For me to have to address any type of rumor about selling illegal drugs makes me furious. Once again, I have never sold fake or illegal drugs to any of my patients.

-- M.D. PSYCH

Dear Summoner,

Because we are coming to the end of the month I think your chance for love is soon to change. Take a chance today, be bold. It may pay off. Your horoscope for today reads, "Try to be as expressive as you can today -- unleash your inner emotions and let the whole world know what you're feeling! Wearing your heart on your sleeve can make for a charming fashion accessory, especially when you want a certain someone to get to know the real you. Step out of your 'official' mode and get down to real feelings and honest interaction. Timid conversations will leave you yawning ... you need debate, vulnerability, and revelations today!" Maybe if you do not act like a Summoner as much, but rather a true, emotional, expressive man, you will catch her eye. I may not be a "love doctor" but it seems as though the stars are with you on this one!!

-M.D. Psych

Some parenting tips from the stars.

I worry about the Knight's relationship with his son, the Squire. I feel that the Knight distances himself from his son and I do not exactly understand why. His son looks up to him very much. The son is following in his father's footsteps to become a Knight and I feel that the Knight could show some extra attention towards his son during his time spent growing into a man. The Knight's horoscope right now reflects my feelings axactly. His horoscope reads, "Pay attention to the kids, young adults or teenagers in your life right now. You're an excellent role model, and they have some interesting ideas that you would benefit from. Explore your mentorship abilities. If all the kids you know live far away, send them a letter or a gift (or both). Just make sure that you are integrated into their lives in some way. As the adult, it's up to you to make the communication happen." I hoped I have gotten my point across to the Knight and hopefully he will bond with his son.

Vomiting Virgo....has smallpox?

DOCTOR PSYCH!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME! I have been feeling ill lately and I don’t know if I am sick or if there is a bad omen in my horoscope. My symptoms are high fever, fatigue, sever headache, backache, malaise, a rash that is raised and pink, delirium, vomiting, diarrhea, and excessive bleeding. What should I do?!?!?

-Vomiting Virgo
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Dear Vomiting Virgo,
Since this has come to my attention, I have been doing much research in your illness, and I am worried it may be something called smallpox along with a most terrible horoscope. Do not fear! Although your symptoms and bad horoscope may seem frightening, there is a little cure i can use for these smallpox. First, soak a piece of linen in a mix of peony root and rose oil and apply to the affected areas. Second, eat some chicken broth to help the vomiting and headache, and then wear some red cloth and drape red around your room.
As to your horoscope, illness is going to take its place, and in order to overcome your illness, you must turn to your coworkers and classmates to see if they're in the same position you are. First hand experience informs what they say to you and keep in mind that they might be leaving out some gory details for your own good. Godspeed, and get well soon!

--M.D. PSYCH

The Doctor is in!

So far my trip to the shrine has been going very well. I have been very busy, but it seems as though the other pilgrims like me. They all come to me with their problems and illnesses and none of them have showed any dislike towards me yet.

The other day the Squire had come to me with a wounded leg from a freak arrow incident. I had sent him off with some crutches and I feared the worst, but today he came and showed me that he was walking!!! I was happy for him, but I was also very concerned because the star patterns have been shifting in ways that I have never seen before. I fear that some sort of widespread disease is to come soon or possibly a fight amongst my fellow pilgrims.

Hopefully my predictions do not come true for once!

Feeling sick about something...

Dear M.D. Psych,

I need your help. I have a mysterious disease and I am worried about what it might be. My neck is sore, I have headaches, I am nauseated, my joints are aching, I have a fever of 103 degrees, I have been vomiting, and I have a general feeling of illness. Help me please!! I fear that it may be the BLACK PLAGUE!!!

-Aching Aquarius
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Dear Aching Aquarius,

Your illness seems like nothing, it is probably just the common flu with a sore neck, headaches, and nausea. And well, sore joints just seem to come with getting older in age. The Black Plague only comes to people whose horoscopes call for it. Your horoscope (Aquarius) only says that your grudges are making you sick, and you're just depressed because you're stuck in a rut. You need to let go of the memories of how you were wronged in some way.

Now as to a medicinal cure, I prescribe good rest and a herbal remedy of flat-leaved parsley to help your nausea and headaches. Good luck! May the stars be with you!

--M.D. PSYCH

Curing the Squire

Well, the Squire came to me today because he had an accident with an arrow and a tree. It was a very rare incident, but I told him that it was a common thing among squires, even though an arrow bounced off of a tree and into this poor man's leg! Who would've thought that trees could be so resistant to sharp objects?!

Unfortunately, the stars were not in his favor today, and he is unable to walk now. I did however give him a reading of his horoscope, just for good luck and good fortune.

He's a Leo, so his horoscope for the day is: "The best lesson you learn today will not be found in the same old place. You are going to have to move as far outside your comfort zone as you can stand to go in order to get the nutritious input that your brain is hungry for. Experimentation is the key to keeping yourself sharp right now, so branch out and try a few new tricks you have been toying with. Through trial and error, you will eventually perfect your technique and establish a whole new best practice."

Hopefully he'll practice with those sticks I gave him for crutches, so maybe he can perfect his technique for hobbling around. Other than that, I'm afraid there is no cure for him to walk again.
--M.D. Psych

"Gangsta Rap"

Today was the ultimate worst day of our journey so far. We took time out of our journey to learn this new hip-hop dance. The new dance was called "Crank dat Squire Boy." The leaders of this dance were the Oxford Cleric and the Squire. The whole day was wasted to learn this "Gangsta Rap."

I must say I tried this so called dance for maybe five minutes. I couldn't deal with it at all. There was all of this movement side to side and I just can't do that. This dance caused us to be behind in our journey to the shrine of Saint Thomas a' Becket. Hopefully, tomorrow we will get back on task and keep moving and quit all of this "gangsta" crap.

Well, that's all I have for now... but remember if you ever get injured and need a cure every pilgrim knows where to find me.


P.S. What really is Youuuuuuuu anyway??

DAILY HOROSCOPES!!!!!!

Things I enjoy and ponder in my spare time...

• I enjoy stargazing 24/7


• I also cure people using the position of the stars and horoscopes and the occasional medicine to make them feel better


• I hear Chaucer may have written some sort of story about me, but I am not quite sure of what he said. He probably mentions my amazing talents of making people better.


• Sometimes, I also ride the occasional horse. It is the way to get around these days ya know. My favorite horse’s name is Pluto, after one of the planets of course! (even though sometimes, I question this planet's existence)

When you get your leg chopped off.....

Dear M.D...PSYCH(IC),

Oh my! I got my leg chopped off by a knight in battle! What should I do? Cure me doctor! Surely there is some way to fix it.....

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Dear patient,

The stars are clearly not in your favor this month. As you can see for your horoscope Capricorn, there is something unpleasant going on. Make sure you're following your emotions instead of burying them out of sight. As to control the bleeding, I'd suggest using bloodletting to restore the balance of fluids in the body. Before this, drink a potion with lettuce, gall, bryony, opium, henbane, and just a tiny bit of hemlock juice. That should get you some luck. If that doesn't work, well...the stars just weren't in your favor =(

That'll be 20 shillings.

--Your M.D....PSYCH(IC)!!

The Apothecary Corner

Hurry one and all! This year's winter is fast approaching with its colds, coughs and cachoos. Now on sale for a limited time only, my own special remedy of herbs: snake oil; a tonic which will make you a true magic believer: it can cure/prevent nearly all cold-weathered aliments and it is now affordable for the Pope and the peasant alike. However, this offer won't last long, so all you smart Middle Agers out there best get on your horse quick and ride down to the apothecary now. Pick up some of my remedy before it’s too late! Click my link for more information on this special tonic as well as many more for your every need.

-Sincerely,
Psych M.D.

http://www.oldworldapothecary.com/index.html

Ailment Advice

Are any illnesses or diseases bothering your every day life? Would you like some advice for a small fee? Well then, feel free to drop me a line in the cosmic computer network, and I'll help you with any ailment you may contain by my wonderful talent of being a doctor and following the universe.

P.S. - I have cured many people in my time, so feel completely at ease and allow me to help.

All of the above may apply. If you feel sick at the mention of the stars, your horoscope may be keeping you from sending a comment to the doctor. If this is so, you must wait at least 24 hours for your next horoscope of the day, before posting.

Introduction

I bet you are wondering just who I really am. Some people call me the Doctor and some people call me the Physician. Both names are fine with me. I am on a pilgrimage to the shrine of Saint Thomas a’ Becket with thirty other pilgrims. Many of these thirty pilgrims are sneaky and are into their money. On the other hand, many of these pilgrims are hardworking and knowledgeable men and women. We will be traveling fifty-five miles on horseback from the Tabard Inn in Southwark, a borough in the south of London, to the shrine of the martyr Saint Thomas a’ Becket at Canterbury Cathedral. Our journey is to be starting soon. That's all I have to say for now. Look to hear back from me soon.

--M.D. Psych