Dear Oxford Cleric, Go talk to your best friend Plato.

The other day the Oxford Cleric told everyone that I am a fraud and that I am scamming everyone because horoscopes are a joke. He is such a snob. The whole time during our journey he hasn't even talked to many of us because he is too busy reading his books or writing down how all of us are stupid. Little does he know that wisdom comes with age and that many of us are very educated, some of us are even more educated than he is. He has no right to say that I am a fraud. I am a highly acclaimed scholar, I have gone to school longer than him, and I have been a doctor longer than he has been alive!! He must not have done his reading on the horoscopes because he would have known that horoscopes have been used for over 3000 years, and even his beloved philosopher Plato has studied astronomy and horoscopes.

I just have one message to our Oxford Cleric, see if I help you next time you are sick and dieing.

--M.D. Psych

Just Another Patient

Dear Doctor,
I would like to know what kind of disease I am dealing with. I have a fever. I feel very run down. I have a cough and runny nose and my eyes are red. I also have a new rash on my head. But before I got this rash I had strange greyish spot on the inside of my mouth. Please let me know what sort of illness I am dealing with.

Thank you.
_____________________________________________________

Dear patient,

Your illness seems very odd to me. You have the fever and runny nose, but along with this, a rash and a previous greyish spot. I wouldn't exactly diagnose this illness, just because there are so many with like symptoms that it may be, so I'll give you a general cure that will be pleasing to the stars. For the rash, ground coral should be prescribed along with some roasted mice. I decided I should use these, because they are the items that I usually prescribe for measles, cold, and fevers, so that all of the illnesses are covered. Plus, roasted mice can be a nice break from the regular diet! You're probably lucky this is over the internet universe, because when I do house calls, I usually use leaches to cure people to make the blood pure.

Your horoscope says: Sometimes, no matter how fervently you wish or how hard you push, things are not going to go the way you want. Although you won't have all your hopes dashed, a bracing dose of reality will remind you that there are many things beyond your control. Most importantly, do not take this as a sign you are losing power. Rather, take it as a fact that life would be pretty boring if you always got what you wanted. Seek out the company of people who understand this.

So, don't worry about being sick. The stars believe that you will have better luck soon.

--M.D. PSYCH